Monday, December 20, 2010

The reality of my face

I was  a kid a usual kid I never noticed my face in mirror I never got an idea to do that ,But I was looking into myself ,always with a question Who am I ? I was in thinking age not in observing age. I kept on exploring and exploring myself, dived into ocean of my soul with a question who am I? Then with the progression of time, finally at the mature age of 12 I finally got a little bit idea of my character, my personality; my dimensions were open now in front of me. I was surprised to how did I reach there to be able to recognize myself? It was great indeed to be known to yourself .A next step ahead I looked into mirror to see who am I in appearance and then I felt the strong palpitation of my heart “Who’s the girl there in mirror I am not there, whose face is this? I don’t belong to this face it can’t be mine”. Whatever I explore in me was completely different from my appearance and my face was not in accordance to my character, my personality. I drenched into sorrow of my feelings. Oh! My God whose face? It can’t be mine, who’s looking me in the mirror whom am I watching in mirror? I cried, I wept Ah! What an injustice Why Allah Tallah? you was aware of every thing ,You gave me life, You gave me personality ,you gave me character and You also gave me face but why such face which don’t depict my personality my character my inside ;It’s a mismatch ,a great mismatch of my life. I raised all these questions in front of my dear Allah ……………..
Then the term compromise came in my life and I hold that completely .OK I have to do compromise with this face now.
Wheel of time keep on running and many years passed. Now few days back a strange incidence happened, Here comes a Hollywood director to meet me “where were you, Thank God I have find you” he said after watching me for a while.” we were searching a face for a role in my movie and you are perfect for that role” director told me that from last few months they are searching a girl for their film role. The demand of role is “A girl who should have all traits of an Asian face, her eyes are the most important one; her eyes should be like an ocean of dismay, sadness and grief. there should be a strange chain of questions on her face ,there should not be a single sign of beauty on her face but a single  sign of ugliness should be there  ,her nose shouldn’t be deform or not to be perfect ,a medium one .there should be no expressions on her face ,a complete expressionless face ,she should not know how to laugh ,she should be a perfect example of “brown color” not fair not dark; only “brown” .she should not be fat or too slim ,not too tall not too small but her hands should be very long like a perfect Asian women hand ,which will depict the philosophical mind of Asian women.” he told me that you are the only one who perfectly match for this role only you can do this role please accept it please ,because only you, you are perfect for this role only your face suits the role perfectly.
That time I realized an indescribable feeling the feeling of awareness, the feeling of exploring my self how stupid I was at age of 12 when I thought my face is not in accordance to my character my personality I was wrong now I discover “you are not given a face according to your character but according to your role in life”
I really thanked the director for realizing that my face was in accordance to my role in my life. I refused to do the role because I was already playing a very important role for a very Important and Biggest director of the world.

(Director whom I met was Ashfaq Ahmed and I met him in his short story “College se ghaar tak”)


  1. Through creativity pointof view it is sublime...the discription is in very fascinating manner.
    Second thing here comes UrSelf...and no doubt dt u r unique bcz of the way u choose towards life.
    third thing cnt got ur line
    "you are not given a face according to your character but according to your role in life"

    Bcz i think to be a character or to play the role of chracter ,the getup would be the same...!

  2. @maria I know you are right that you make life and role according to your character but still life is a multidimensional thing so many factors govern your life and also your role too,one can make his character completely by himself but not his role in life there comes many other character in his role and many other factors too,hope u ll understand this

  3. Tawajjah ki Talib

  4. i never seen you in reality, but to me you are a joyful person, creative and smart person! God bless you!

  5. Andrei you have not seen me in reality but what I wrote is truely the reality of my face.

  6. tawjah ki taalib is the title of a book written by Bano Qudsia ,I will surely try to read that and relate that .